im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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