just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I look better un-naked...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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