oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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