Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
