I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
