Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
