Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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