So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
