i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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