omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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