no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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