Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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