Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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