he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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