i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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