i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
