don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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