he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
