I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
