Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
