This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
His nipple licking is glorious
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