Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
