Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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