RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
