I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
