So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
only you would photoshop your dick
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
