Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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