i think my tv is drunk
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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