I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
