and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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