Everything about him screamed your future.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
