So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So much rum. So many feels.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
