Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
