Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
