I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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