Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
