? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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