12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
