talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
