I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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