life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
