Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize