'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm like, not good at living.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
