he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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