just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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