i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just gargled with NyQuil
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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