So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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