You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
