Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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