and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
