well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
