HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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