Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
