four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
50% drunk capacity currently
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
