Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
