How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
