Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
