I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
