My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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