fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Text me some of your sweat
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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