Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
