I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
