we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
