The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
