When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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