I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
