I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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