if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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