I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
