idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
