Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
