It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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