Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
