i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
