I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
