Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
