are you so shy because you have an std?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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