the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You are the jesus of drinking
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
