This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
