There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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