The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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