I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
