Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
