Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I deserve this hangover.
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