you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Success! We fucked roommates!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
