OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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