The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
its liver damage thursday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
