so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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